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Supporting Parents

Q:

I have an issue that keeps surfacing frequently and cause stress in life. My wife always gave me hard time whenever I supported my parents financially. My parents then migrated to US and started living with my widow sister but I kept on supporting them financially till recently. From the start I wanted my wife to participate in this support but she was not on board. Given no choice, I kept supporting them while hiding this from my wife. She found out eventually and resulted in huge fight. We resolved this by limiting the support but this nagging issue comes up frequently and she keeps bringing it back frequently and make my life stressful. Now since we are not supporting them at all (they get SSI from state), she wants me to go and discuss the issues with them and demand money back. This makes no sense and she is not willing to back down.

Please advise

Jazak Allah

A:

Dear Brother, Salaam Alaykum.

For your knowledge, it is not the duty of your wife to financially support your parents from her gifts or earning. If she does so willingly, then that is fine.
Financial support to parents when they need it is as important as fulfilling the basic rights of your wife (basic and necessary provisions).
It would be unethical to request for refund of the money given to your parents.

You could explain to her lovingly the need (in the past) and benefits (generally) of supporting your parents in any way possible. You could reassure her that you care for her as much as you care for your parents and also explain to her that keeping a positive, comfortable and caring relationship with your parents will ensure a happier family especially with your children (their grandchildren).

You will need patience with her in order for her to calm down and develop good feelings for your parents.

May He guide us all with our relationships.

Fiddha