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Homosexual

Q:

So my elder brother has been giving us problems since he was in the 6th grade. He suffers from depression and social-anxiety along with a very low self-esteem. He randomly has mood swings and has so much jealousy/envy and hate in him, he hates seeing any man that he feels is better looking than him so he’ll only hang around losers who he believes are below him. He has a terrible relationship with my other brother who he feels threatened by even his presence. And doesn’t have such a great relationship with my dad either, but will still tolerate him over my other brother any day. Anyway he recently came out to my mom saying he’s “bisexual” my brother isn’t the smartest person, he’s never read a book or anything in general and is in the lowest classes possible in his community college so I asked him what he meant by that to see if he even knew what that meant as he has used other words when describing a situation but not in the way they’re supposed to be used he uses words he doesn’t know incorrectly all the time. He said that he sometimes feels attracted to men, sometimes he’ll find them good looking and I asked him if he would ever want to have sex with them and he got disgusted by that idea saying that a woman’s body turns him on. Keep in mind my brother is a really honest person almost toooo honest. He’s very blunt and he tells me anything and everything about his life even his most private secrets he’s told me. So he tells us legit every detail at any given moment in his life, so I had to ask him what turns him on and what he masturbates to and he said he prefers women, that he likes their bodies, and when he does masturbate he thinks about doing it with a woman and said only sometimes does he get attracted to men and find them appealing. Still, I’m worried since he’s so naive and he went to a few American therapists and when he spoke to them he told them what he told us on how he sometimes feels attraction towards men but he’s not gay and they started making him think he’s bisexual and he even told me he didn’t know what that meant. It just worries me that he’ll start thinking he’s bi or even gay again because my brother is like a 5 year-old who will take in whatever you tell him especially from strangers and also because of his problems he’s so fragile that he just wants to know what’s wrong with him so he’ll take anything if it means helping him. He also doesn’t like the typical things that men particularly like such as sports, or macho stuff. He likes art, and drawing women, and Disney princesses, and looking at different cultures but not actually reading about them. So he thinks that makes him bi somehow because he gets insecure at the fact that he doesn’t act like a “real” man in his words. He also obsesses over women and will even speak about them in a very sexual manner, he’s very blunt and will say whatever comes to his mind at that given moment. He never talks about men in the same way, and only ever speaks about male celebrities if he believes they look like him. So he envies the way they look. recently when I was checking his history it showed that he searched for a gay male youtuber and was watching a gay movie, but he never searched it again and he doesn’t know I saw that at all. I checked his phone too (without him knowing I know..but I had to make sure) and he has naked pics of women on there and all of his pics in his photo album are either of women or himself. I’m just worried he might come out in the future with this stuff again saying he’s bi or worse gay. And my mom has enough on her plate from him I don’t want him to add this too it’ll kill her.

A:

Salams.
 
Its most likely from the way you describe about your brother, that he suffers from an inferiority complex that started from childhood due to lack of attention and comparing him to others around him.Your elders mainly your parents are responsible for this and its never too late to change this by encouraging words about his personal self and politely explaining him what things are not existent at all according to how Allah has created us eg homosexuality or bisexuality. This is all a dirty game caused by an illicit society having no pure rules and regulations that fit our innate disposition. If someone were to lovingly talk to your vulnerable brother im sure he will listen and accept. Give time to your brother and sit and talk to him if you really care about his future. If your parents are told of how to take over that would be better also but on the side you can too. If proper and loving care and attention is given he will learn so much and would be influenced by his family rather than any actor or celebrity and his role models would be his own family specially if the love of Ahl Bait (peace be on them) is introduced and how they would help us in every situation if we cry for help and they woud end up being our role models.  
To be honest these acts like YouTube gay searching and naked pictures of women in his mobile and masturbating are all forbidden acts in islam becuase not only do they effect a persons purity, but also they disrupt the psycology and intellectuality of a person and make the future empty and sad.
It must be difficult for you to start from scratch but its a possible thing if you have a strong will to help your vulnerable brother.  I pray you will do it successfully and attain so much peace through helping him.
 
Regards,
Salma Alavi