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Assalaamu alaikum WRWB I am a 21 year old Indian Girl who got engaged on oct 9,2017 i was to get married this year on 19th june, everything was booked,all the preparations were done because Ramadan was coming.. i broke my engagement 3 weeks ago.. since then, i’m unable to overcome the shock,the trauma.. the pain.. i feel guilty.. everybody tells i shouldnt because i am at less fault here He lives in UAE I wasnt supposed to talk to him, he messaged me on facebook and asked me to hide from my parents and talk.. i agreed.. we started talking.. we spoke until late hrs in the night.. the first 2 months were good.. thn due to some internet issues.. while i was in KSA, he started doubting me.. idk why but my internet used to trouble at a specific time most of the nights.. this angered him.. i moved to jeddah to my sister’s place for her delivery and umrah.. even there he got angry because i couldnt give him time and i was busy serving the guests and looking after the kids.. he said if i wanted to take time and talk to him i would.. after coming back to india.. even he had come here for a few days...we started having video calls.. shiekh we exchanged alot of pictures videos and voicenotes He wanted to meet me alone outside without my parents knowledge.. i didnt agree saying i will die out of anxiety if i do that.. He asked me if i ever did this before.. as in meeting somebody like this.. i said no.. he asked how do u know abt anxiety thn? This made him question me.. if i was into a haram relationship before.. i denied because i wasnt Allhamdulliah We started a lot of fights.. sometimes due to some connectivity issues.. the messages on whatsapp wouldnt get delivered immediately.. even this angered him.. he thought when i had my phone in my hand the messages would get delievered immediately.. we fought over this as well Thn during the late night chats, one day my sister warned me to stop these chats.. i told i cannot talk and i slept.. this made him angry.. my would be inlaws took my dress for the measurement.. i washed it and applied some perfume on it.. it angered him.. because na-mehrams arent allowed to smell that perfume.. i agreed.. but he insulted me.. saying i wear hijaab and cover my face for showoff.. called me a hypocrite.. he apologised later and i forgave him .. thn we had a lot of clashes.. in between he wanted to get my phone screen recorded as well.. there’s an app which would connect my phone to his and he could see what all i did on my phone.. it didnt work on my phone.. it made him angry.. shiekh i am not the pious girl.. i had my shortcomings.. i made mistakes in my past life too.. i didnt do proper hijaab and didnt follow the dresscode.. i uploaded my pictures on instagram .. i had attended my best friends wedding in 2016.. he wanted to see pictures from that wedding.. i sent him the pictures.. in one of the pictures at her house i dont have my dupatta on me.. but the dress was appropriate.. it wasnt revealing or tight.. he saw that picture and called me ‘shameless’.. kept asking why eid i attend all the functions when it wasnt necessary.. what was special abt that wedding.. i told it was my best friends wedding that is why i attended it.. he asked me to leave all those frnds bevause he thought they were spoiling me.. he wanted me to delete all my social networking accounts... i disagreed.. i argued back.. i rebelled against him.. he got angry.. like very very angry.. ad didnt talk to me for 2 weeks.. and thn slowly we were coming back to normalcy.. in between he asked for all my passwords.. i gave them without thinking because i had nothing to hide.. i deleted my facebook account on 8th april.. he knew abt this.. he used to test me.. whenver i was online he used to wait and see from what time till what time i usef to be online.. then he would ask who was i talking to.: he never beleived me.. asked me for scrhnshots.. i gave them.. he stopped me from going to places even with my parents.. when i said i cannot say no to my parents.. he used to get mad...then .. on 22nd april.. we had a good chat the whole day.. and thn in the night again the messages didnt get delivered.. it made him angry.. i told him to give me a call.. he asked if abt my phone being on silent.. i said sometimes i keep it on silent soemtimes i dont.. he said he knows why 90% of the girls keep their phones on silent.. i told I keep it on silent because of some unwanted customer care calls.. i dont know what triggered him.. he logged into my facebook.. I got a mail as well ... i didnt think he would do that.. i asked him he denied.. later on .. on a video call.. he asked abt my frnds... the one he asked me to leave.. shiekh.. he read my 2014 girl chats.. the last chat being in 2016 Shiekh i had a bad company.. my freinds were involved in haram relationships and zina.. i wasnt Allhamdulliah.. the conversations we had were indecent.. i didnt discourage them.. i was asking abt it.. i know i made a mistake.. and i’m guilty.. he read all of them.. i didnt know he read all that.. he asked me abt my frnds.. i lied saying i dont know anything.. he got mad.. super mad.. he started abusing my frnds and me.. he called me a prostitute,whore and a bitch.. accused me of zina.. he kept abusing me even tho he himself admitted that i wasnt involved.. he said he would dig into my grave and find out abt me when he couldnt find anything.. he kept abusing.. this started on sunday night and in tuesday night i went and confessed it all to my parents.. his parents spoke,he sspoke and his brothers spoke to my parents and apologised.. my father didnt want to continue the alliance.. my ex fiancee told that he got out of control after seeing the conversations.. shiekh i agree they were indecent... its all over now.. but i still feel guilty thinking tjat i triggered this.. if i hadnt lief maybe he wouldnt use that foul language.. he wasnt meant for me.. Yet i feel anxious sad and angry.. shiekh.. to some extent i am at fault.. but is it permissible for him to dig into soo much anf find out abt me? Is it okay for him to doubt me? Why am i feeling guilty? Shiekh i need help I’m in distress

A:

Waalaykum salam.

Sorry to hear about your experience.

After reading your entire story I can tell that he was way too sensitive about petty
issues. No man or woman needs to dig into the past of his or her spouse. The bad and
the good lies with Allah. (This does not mean that we shouldn't do our research when
first sending or accepting a proposal, rather, there is no point into doing this
beyond the limits after the couple is committed to one another)

Also, it is quiet normal for a person to feel this way, especially the girl, because
it is the nature of a woman to nurture her love. Breaking it can actually break her.
But Allah (azj) is so merciful that he has created this ability to forget. In no
time from now you should be going on the other side of the slop and will be able to
over come the entire thing..

To help you with this I would suggest:

1) Read the Qur'an. Indeed the Remembrance of the Almighty brings tranquility to the
hearts.

2) make dua. Speak plenty to Allah (azj). This will help you let your feelings out
to someone who was this you the entire time and knows what really happened! Others
can only sympathies or blame you. It is only HIM that knows the Truth and also has
all your affairs in HIS hands.

3) get busy especially physical. you need to tire your energies to boost your
thinking power. A well oxygenated brain works better than a stagnant one. Get some
exercise or sports incorporated in your daily life. This will definitely liven you
up.

I hope you feel better and get a wonderful life partner.

In my duas
Naajiya.S.Jaffery